Re-creation of myself

"Rebirth" Collage by Stitch

Since I've now begun a new life in California, I decided it's the perfect opportunity to make myself into the kind of person I've always wished I could be but thought I was incapable of becoming.  Perhaps the courage to become my ideal self needed a change of place in order to be born inside of me... but I have somehow come to believe that I CAN really be whoever I dream of being.

But, like any goal, the first step of my journey must be in the discovery of WHO I want to become (for it takes a destination to acquire the proper map).  WHO do I want to be?

In thinking about WHO I want to be I have determined that I first have to think about it in terms of my roles in life (a lot of my thoughts about how to become myself have been come to through the reading of Steven Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and {perhaps strangely} Bartlett's Quotations).  The specific roles I have identified as being those I wish to focus on are:

• Mother
• Individual (body, mind, soul)
• Partner/Companion to Eric
• Artist
• Friend and Family Member (daughter, sister, niece, cousin etc..)
• Business-person
• Teacher/volunteer
• Community Member/ Leader
• Citizen

For the time being I have decided to begin with a focus on the first three roles.  I kind of put these together in terms of their importance in my life and to my (our) overall importance to my(our) happiness.  I am a bit conflicted about the ranking of mother vs. individual because, while I feel my primary responsibility and concern must be as a mother to Lily, I also feel that the best way for me to be a good and responsible mother to Lily is to be happy, fulfilled, and responsible to myself as an individual.  In any case, at this time I think that building a life (and home) for my nuclear family unit that is beautiful and supportive will serve as the proper foundation for my (our) happiness and security.  

In a way I think that my roles, which I kind of think of as my 'circles of concern' can be categorized in terms of their nearness to my central core.  The first three: Mother, self, partner can be seen as internally focused-roles, I will call them my primary roles/concerns. The second three, artist/friend and family member/business-person, are both internally and externally focused and dependent, I will call them my secondary roles/concerns.  The last three , teacher/volunteer, community member/ Leader, and citizen are externally focused roles that I will call my tertiary roles/concerns.  

The reason I feel the need to break these up into categories of concern and closeness is because I feel that it is a nearly overwhelming idea to completely re-evaluate and re-create oneself if taken as a whole.  In my experience, big ideas and goals often require dissection and portioning in order to approach them in a realistic and effective manner and avoid getting discouraged-- at least for me.  

I plan to work from the inside out-- I will begin with my first three roles, thinking about, planning, and understanding who/what I want in my personal/internal life.  I feel that once I figure out who/what I want to be there I will have a firm foundation for being who/what I want to be in my more external roles-- I also deeply believe that until I am who I need to be inside that I will be incapable of becoming who/what I want to be in my more external roles.  The last three roles (tertiary), while important to me in terms of my overall life are concerns that I feel are almost like things I need to EARN the right to do.  

It is very important to me to share my experiences and wisdom with others, to serve my community and the world through volunteering my time and acting as a role-model and leader/servant for others, and to be a useful and effective citizen of my community(ies), country and world.  I feel that as a mother it is even more important for me to achieve the ability to work within these circles of concern because I feel it is important that Lily grows up with a desire to help others and be actively involved in her community/country/world.

So I will now start at the beginning of my journey: my primary roles/circles of concern.  In order to begin to understand where I want to go and who I want to be I will first ask myself how I want to be 'seen' in these roles.  That will be the topic of my next post.

Middle School Birth Control

King Middle School in Maine has recently decided to give their students (11-15 year olds) access to contraceptives, including the hormonal birth control pill, through a medical clinic attached to the school ( http://pressherald.mainetoday.com/story.php?id=142522&ac=PHedi ).

Parents must sign a permission slip in order for their children to be treated at the clinic, but it is presented as permission to treat in the case of accident or illness. Children requesting birth control from the clinic will be issued their contraceptives without parental consent or notification of this. Maine law also, somehow, provides doctor patient confidentiality for 11 year olds which keeps parents from having access to their child's medical information with regard to the clinic.

While many people applaud the school for giving these children access and believe it will help prevent pregnancy and provide them with appropriate medical care, I think there are some serious problems with this.

1. Contraceptive medications are not without risks. They can cause blood clots to occur, among other things, and even death. If the parents are not aware of their child being on this medication they will not be able to protect against potentially dangerous medical interactions with other medications etc... While Birth control is one of the most widely used medications out there; it is still a drug and it still has the potential to be dangerous when used incorrectly or under certain circumstances.

2. These children quite likely will not reliably take their medication. I think it is pretty unrealistic to expect that 11-15 year old kids will remember to take their pill every day and at the correct time. Likely they will forget doses and still believe that they are protected from pregnancy (no matter how many times they are warned that they are not). They are also unlikely to remember or pay attention to drug interactions that will cause BC to be unreliable. Antibiotics are pretty commonly prescribed medications, they often render hormonal birth control ineffective.

3. Lets keep in mind that the teens who are most likely to engage in sex at 11-15 are those who are less responsible and already at risk due to other factors in their home/school life. These factors also probably will make them less likely to properly and reliably use birth control.

4. Contraceptives other than condoms do not protect against STI's but often do give people a false sense of security. With teens, especially, you have the problem of "It can't happen to me" thinking when it comes to STI's.

5. How do we know that it is safe to give adolescents hormonal birth control? With their hormones coming to maturity and all over the place, naturally, it seems like it probably isn't the best thing to do.

As a parent I can say that I would be terribly upset if my daughter was given any medication without my consent. In the case of contraceptives I would be unlikely to accept any excuse. Whether or not my daughter would choose to engage in sex at such a young age (and I hope not), is a matter for us to discuss. But the main issue I have with it is that I feel like it would put her at risk, and that by not informing me of that risk and the danger signs to look for the risk is exponentially increased.

If, for whatever reason, I decided my daughter needed to be on birth control at a young age I think that it would be a choice I would want to fully research and decide upon based on what is the safest route for my child (and this decision made in conjunction with her doctor, not her school).

I do realize that there are some children who have parents who do not parent them etc.. and that these are the children that this policy is aiming to help, but I think in the end this policy endangers more kids than it helps... given the above questions.

Communications Class

Since I'm due mid-semester I have elected to take all of my classes this semester online. One of my classes is "Intercultural Communication."

Now, this is not the first time I've taken a communications class, nor the first time I've been disappointed by the book or content. I so want to like these classes, they should be interesting and fun, but I always end up reading textbooks that are not well written or researched and seem rather ridiculous and illogical to a large degree.

Why must communications make itself so laughable?

I hate to sound like and academic snob (especially since I'm a creative writing and photography major) but... well, communications is kinda like the dumbass degree field from what I can tell.

How else do you end up with a textbook that is full of logical errors and unsupported claims? That cites quotes by so and so but never even kinda explain why we should care what John Smith said about blah blah blah...

And then the professors.... This one seems ok, I think. It's an online class so I've never met her but I'm going to assume she's nice and smart. I've had a couple of doozies though in Com classes.

One semester I had... small group communication at a local community college. I ended up having to contest my grade because the teacher regularly used words she did not know the meaning of and then tested based on her vocabulary (SCARY!)... Like once she said something like "People get perspirational and excrementory when communication breaks down between group members..." I'm not sure that these were her exact words, just that niether were actually words at all and that both would have been very wrong (and were related to bodily functions) if they were words. Luckily I was able to show my dean a copy of a test I got a c on (because of her strange vocab) and it ended up ok.

The next was a public speaking teacher who was my worst nightmare. She was inconsistent in her policies, took any request for clarification as a challenge to her authority, and liked to pit students against each other (and stir up animosity) seemingly for fun. Well, and she was pretty dumb and clueless about even her field (even though she was working on her PhD!). On the day of our final speech she gave us class evaluations to fill out, stayed in the class while we filled them out, and insinuated that our grade could be influenced by how we evaluated her class... ick, ick, ick!

Anyway, I have to say that I've not found a lot of reasons to respect the communications field, and this class isn't helping. It's not that the teacher isn't smart, it's just that the field seems too... Fluffy. Like the standards are excessively low and more about political correctness than actual academic rigor. Sure, not offending people is an important part of harmonious communications, but at the same time... when you cease to be able to communicate because your message gets lost in the trying not to offend.... that's a big problem.

Alright... that's my rant on communications. I'm sure as I read further chapters I will com across other parts of the book that piss me off. If I can I'll even quote them for you next time.